


In the service of a god

by Loria



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dubious Morality, F/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Trespasser, Trespasser DLC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 13:19:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13388652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loria/pseuds/Loria
Summary: What once seemed an abstract side-effect becomes all too real as Ellana Lavellan discovers the consequences of binding herself to the power of an ancient elven god - although it was not the god she expected.orWhat would happen if, when Solas absorbed Mythal's power in the post credit scene, he also gained her power over the Inquisitor?Slowish burn, set post-Trespasser. Solas/Lavellan is the primary focus with some appearances from other characters.





	In the service of a god

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of post-Trespasser feelings that I didn't know what to do with so I wrote like 15,000 words of fanfic which I'll be posting periodically, and then continuing depending on the reception. 
> 
> No beta as of now so apologies for any mistakes. 
> 
> Lots of power dynamics at play here and possibilities for dubious consent given the situations so if anyone finds that triggering please read with caution - I'll flag the specific scenes as they come up. There will also be some pretty dark depression-y stuff and bad coping techniques. 
> 
> I'm pretty new to Archive of Our Own so if anyone has suggestions for additional tags to add, please comment!

"Finally," Ellana breathed as she climbed the last few steps of the ancient castle. 

The last three years had all culminated to this moment - a moment Ellana had thought about every day. 

Standing before the door that would reveal what the Inquisition had been working toward, she recalled the events which led her here.

***

After her confrontation with Sola- _Fen'Harel_ , she mentally corrected herself, in the Crossroads, the Inquisition steered it's purpose to stopping their former ally. Ellana knew their enemy better than anyone, and recalled their past conversations to speculate where he might have gone. Unfortunately, their enemy knew them just as well, and every lead they had dried up within months. 

Ellana tried to stay positive; she showed up to every War Table meeting with zeal and optimism. But eventually it became obvious that the meeting were purely for her benefit. Leliana took a break from her duties as Divine and pulled her aside to gently explain that Ellana's involvement may be counterproductive, and that it would be better for the Inquisition to move forward without her. The Divine's words were more diplomatic, but that was what it came down to. Initially, Ellana refused. This was _her_ fight. But Leliana was right, and what mattered most was _winning_ the fight, not her involvement. 

Ellana's first instinct was to return to her clan for a time, before she recalled her now bare face. She couldn't stand the looks she got now from the other Dalish, even those she'd known her whole life. She was an outsider to them. A pang of homesickness and regret hit her, and she swallowed it down. After some discussion with Leliana, she agreed to spend some time in Kirkwall, doing independent research. It would also serve as a show of unity with the Free Marches, for whatever that was worth.

"Independent research" quickly turned "research at the bottom of a bottle of wine."  Ellana read tome after tome of Dalish drivel about the horrid Fen'Harel. Funny how the more she learned, the more the fool she felt. And still, nothing in any book helped her understand their enemy. 

Dorian and Iron Bull came to see her a few times, as did Vivienne, when the Inquisition could spare her, and she saw Varric as often as his schedule could allow. The rest of her companions had moved on and had their own schedules to keep, but Ellana had never been quite as close with them. 

She missed Cole, but couldn't find it in herself to write him after their recent falling out. Ellana still felt terrible about it - she'd snapped at him after he tried to help her with her feelings about her former lover, and told him to leave her alone. He did.

Guilt. Failure. Those were the only feelings she could muster these days. 

Her friends' visits slowed down after some months - not that she could blame them; she was turning into quite the melancholy company. She settled into a routine of drinking and sleeping, and not much else. 

Iron Bull was the one to pull her up from her depression. After months and months of sulking, Ellana was sitting at her usual barstool in The Hanged Man when Bull swung the door open. She vaguely registered his presence as he stomped into the room and flung a dagger at her, which she barely dodged before it slashed her cheek open.

"Not completely useless, then," he grumbled with a satisfied grin. "It's been a while," he continued conversationally. "I thought we might spar, get you back into fighting shape."

Ellana barked out a bitter laugh. "You're wasting your time," she said, taking another swig of ale. "You ever heard of a one armed assassin?"

"Yes, actually. Very talented, in more than one way," Bull retorted, smiling lasciviously. Ellana rolled her eyes. Some things never change. "But that's a story for another time. Now pick up that dagger and fight me."

Ellana downed the last of her ale and looked up to beckon to the tavern keep. Her eyebrows furrowed when she saw that the young woman who had been serving drinks was gone. A quick survey of the room, and it seemed that the tavern was totally emptied. 

She narrowed her eyes at her old friend. "Haven't you heard? I'm busy," she gestured to her tankard. 

Much to her dismay, Bull just laughed and clapped her shoulder. "That's the Inquisitor I remember. Come now, enough with this sulking. Solas may be in hiding but we need all the help we can get for when the rat finally decides to show himself." 

Ellana couldn't suppress a flinch at the name. "Then you should probably go back to your Chargers and help them prepare," she retorted, more harshly than Bull probably deserved, but maybe it would make him realize she was serious. 

"Nope. They're as ready as they'll ever be, and they've got Krem leading them while I'm gone. What I need is for our fearless leader to get off her ass and get back into the game." The humor was gone from Bulls face now. Just as well, Ellana thought.

"Technically I'm on a diplomatic mission to visit the Viscount of Kirkwall and strengthen the Inquisition's ties with the free marches." Ellana didn't even sound convincing to herself. No point in putting on false airs in front of a Ben-Hassarath spy.

"Yes, and from what I've heard you're most definitely strengthening ties with Kirkwall's alcohol industry," Bull gestured around the room and raised an eyebrow at Ellana, daring her to disagree.

Ellana sighed. "What do you want, Bull? I tried. I failed. It's someone else's turn to save the world now. Leliana's said so herself, So-Fen'Harel would see any plan of mine coming from miles away and he knows all of my weaknesses." It still pained her to say his name - both the one she knew him as and the name of the god who betrayed her. It was easier if she could separate the two. It allowed her to remember their months together fondly, with only a twinge of regret, rather than with an anger so forceful it almost scared her. "We all decided that it would be best to get some fresh blood to take my place," Ellana continued. The words felt hollow to her, as she'd repeated them so many times already to everyone who asked. But there wasn't a choice. She could hardly take on a god in her current state and it was already established that she wasn't of any use anywhere else. 

Bull growled and dragged her out of her stool at the bar, pushing her toward the side of the tavern stage where only a few moments ago a bard was singing tales of the hero of ferelden (Ellana always tipped highly for those songs, to discourage the more popular tunes about more recent events which she'd prefer not to be reminded of). Bull kicked the dagger he'd thrown earlier towards her and took the greatsword from behind his back, giving it a few swings.

"Fight me." He swung at and she just barely jumped out of the way, rolling instinctually, picking up the dagger and taking up a defensive position. Bull grinned. "That's it. See, you've still got it," he lunged toward her again and as much as Ellana wanted to prove Bull wrong about this ridiculous charade, her body moved and dodged with the instincts of the experienced fighter she was. They went back and forth, but Ellana knew Bulls fighting better than she knew her own. While he was preparing a powerful attack, she snuck behind him and slashed the back of his left arm, right in his blind spot, causing him to drop his sword.

Ellana kicked it out of the way and held the dagger to Bull's throat. From the smug smile on the bastards face, it was obvious that he wasn't broken up about losing the fight. Ellana gritted her teeth as she realized this what exactly what he wanted. "I'm not doing this with you right now." She flipped the dagger so the hilt faced Bull. Not like she had any use for it.

"Doing what? Besting me in a fight? Using that dagger more effectively with one hand than most warriors would world a sword with both?" Ellana shook her head, placing the dagger on the bar, and started to walk out.

"Ellana. Please." She paused. Bull hardly ever said please, and rarely said her full name, usually just "boss." When he realized he'd gotten her attention, he continued, "We need you. The Inquisition needs you. The world needs you." Bull stepped forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Now, you can live out the rest of your days in this tavern, or you can help us kick that fucker's ass. And don't give me that bullshit about not being able to fight. You know you're far more valuable than just a rogue. If you choose not to help, it's not because you can't. It's because you're a coward."

Ellana closed her eyes as the words sunk in. He was right. Of course he was right. But she didn't want to face her failures. And she didn't want to face _him_. 

Bull seemed to sense where her mind was going. "You stay here and we win, you'll regret not having the closure you need. We lose and, well, I guess your feelings won't matter much anymore." Ellana took a deep breath and turned to face her friend. His expression was as serious as she'd ever seen it. 

"He knows me too well," she repeated. Bull was getting to her but it didn't change the facts. "Anything I'll suggest, he'll see coming a mile away."

"That bullshit again? I don't care what our divine spymaster says, you're our best shot and figuring out that bastard's next move. As for what comes next, well, you've got us for that. We need you, boss." 

Ellana took a deep breath. "Got any new leads?" She asked with a grin of her own.

***

Bull did, in fact, have a lead. That lead turned into another lead, which eventually led the Inquisition to the magnificent structure she was standing in. On the outside, it looked like ruins - nothing special and certainly nothing that would serve effectively as a base of operations for a god. Morrigan sensed the magic, helped disable the cloaking spell, and the Inquisition's forces were making quick progress of retaking the stronghold while Ellana and a few others sought the one behind it all.

Ellana's job was to distract Fen'Harel while Dorian and Vivienne disabled his defensive wards and cast the spell to banish him to the fade. It was a risky plan, and not something Ellana looked forward to. Closure sounded like a good idea in theory, but this? This was madness. With a chance of death. Still, even Ellana admitted that she was less likely to be turned into stone on sight given their history, and the mages needed the distraction to complete their spell.

Fen'Harel was looking out the window with his back turned to her as Ellana took a slow step into the room. She was still carrying a dagger in her right hand, not that it would do her much good against him, but it made her feel marginally less helpless.

"Ellana." The voice hit her like a horse kicking her in the chest. She closed her eyes and took a calming breath, reminding herself why she was here. Stay focused. 

"Fen'Harel." She kept her voice emotionless. This wouldn't be like the last time, when she'd pleaded with him to see reason. Ellana kept her eyes to the side as he turned, afraid of what she might see. The eyes of a stranger? A monster? Her lover? She wasn't sure which would be worse. 

Distract him. That was her mission. Dorian and Vivianne should be in place by now. Just a few minutes. 

After a few moments of uncomfortable pause, Fen'Harel took a step toward her and spoke again. "You look well. I heard about your hand. I am truly sorry that it could not be saved." 

Ellana clenched her jaw. "I'm sure you have. From your spies in the Inquisition?" After their confrontation at the Crossroads, the decision on whether to disband the Inquisition was not an easy one. As much as Ellana hated to admit it, the Inquisition had been laden with spies and potential corruption. But they'd done what they could to downsize while while remaining a powerful force, relying on alliances rather than a standing army of their own and keeping only essential, trusted personnel.

Fen'Harel replied in the smooth, almost professorial tone Ellana was so accustomed to, "You remain to be a legend in Thedas, and beyond for that matter. Even the spirits in the Fade know of your triumphs. But if it comforts you to know, you have successfully weeded out my spies in the Inquisition - at least the ones that matter." 

That was interesting. Not that he could be trusted. But still. Ellana walked to the window where Fen'Harel had been standing when she walked in. The Inquisition's forces had taken the courtyard and had trapped the remaining forces in the great hall. They were currently taking a battering ram to it, as their mages worked to dispell barriers.

"Your allies have fallen. Your stronghold is being overrun as we speak. And yet here you are, observing from afar, when you could be fighting alongside them. Why?" Ellana turned to face the elf standing before her. This question was something that had been bothering her the whole infiltration. She'd seen what he was capable of. He could take down the whole army with a blink of his eyes. Why had he let them get so far? 

Fen'Harel seemed to be examining her closely. His eyes, so familiar, yet so distant. The eyes of the one she once called 'vhenan.' Definitely worse than seeing the eyes of a stranger or a monster. 

Somehow, he was all three.

"I know you do not believe me, but I see no need for pointless death. Your forces will not penetrate the walls of this building. Just as your companions will not banish me to the fade." Ellana paled. He knew all along. Of course he did. This was all a ruse, and she was playing into his hands, just like the last time. 

Stay calm. He could be lying. He must be lying. The only people who knew of their plan were the very inner circle of the Inquisition, and even then the details had been compartmentalized. There's no way he could know everything. Stick with the plan.

"I thought you said we had successfully eradicated your spies in the Inquisition," Ellana spoke carefully.

"Indeed. It was my spies in the Chantry that intercepted your communications with Divine Victoria. I wasn't certain on the specifics until one of my agents found Madame de Fer and Magister Pavus attempting to sneak into this tower with an amulet designed to trap the wearer in a comatose state, and an artifact that could be used to open and close the Veil. I imagine you were to keep me occupied while they made the arrangements. Pavus would use an invisibility spell to sneak up behind me with the amulet while de Fer opened the portal. No?" His tone was soft, gentle, as though he was truly apologetic that her plan couldn't succeed. It would have been easier if he had gloated.

Ellana felt her heart beating in her chest like  drums of war. "Their names are Dorian and Vivianne. They were your friends once. They saved your life countless times, as you did theirs. Not that that means anything to you."

With a solemn frown, the mage who called himself a god replied, "It means more to me than you know. Surely you understand the necessity of distancing oneself from the other side, from the actions you must take against those you once called friend." He pointedly raised an imperious eyebrow. "You haven't spoken the name you knew me by since you arrived."

Ellana scoffed in disbelief at the comparison and shook her head. "That's because - " She took a breath. Losing her temper wouldn't help anyone. "What have you done with them?"

"They're safe. For now."

"Is that a threat?" 

Fen'Harel sighed. "There is no reason for me to grandstand at this point. Your companions are imprisoned, until I decide what else to do with them. I can't allow them to continue fighting against my plans, but I don't plan on killing them until it's necessary."

"Coward," Ellana spat. He didn't rise to the bait, instead observing her patiently like one would a child throwing a tantrum. "What now?" She asked, breathing heavily. 

"I wish it didn't have to come to this," Fen'Harel said softly. 

Ellana lifted her dagger. If he was sentimental enough not to kill his old friends, maybe she stood a chance.

He remained calm, as someone discussing the crops. "I'm not going to fight you, Ellana."

"You'll have to kill me. I'm not going down without a fight." She lunged at him and he sidestepped away.

"I have spared your friends and your armies. It doesn't have to end this way,"  His attempts to placate her only added to her fury as she lunged at him again, almost catching him this time. 

He continued, "You once offered to come with me, to help me rebuild the ancient elvhen culture. That is why I allowed your agents to find me. Why you are here."

"I'm here to stop you. I don't know what I was thinking, offering to help a sociopath like you destroy the world," Ellana chuckled bitterly as she prepared her next attack.

"I admit, my initial plan was harsh. I've reconsidered. This world has value. It created you. The Dalish who have joined me show promise and curiosity. When I destroy the Veil, not everything need suffer the after-effects. But I need your help if I am to succeed." Fen'Harel extended a hand. "I am asking you to join me, ma vhenan."

"'Not everything.' So you still plan on committing genocide against anyone who disagrees with you? How does that make you any better than the gods you locked away?" 

Fen'Harel frowned as he set his hand to his side and looked out the window at the chaos outside. "I only seek to repair the damage I have done."

"By killing tens of thousands of innocents."

"Innocents," he scoffed and faced her again. His composure seemed to be slipping. "You would protect those who enslaved your race and forced the Dalish to live like barbarians?"

"Wasn't it you that did that first?" Ellana sneered. 

Fen'Harel closed his eyes. "Yes." He looked to her, entreating her ton understand. "That is why I must fix it." 

"I won't let you. I'll die before I Iet you out of this room," Ellana readied herself for another attack.

"I know," he replied softly, with sad smile. "I know you would. You would not be the person you are if you gave up, and I would not admire you as I do. Please know that I am truly sorry it had to come to this." 

Before Ellana had a chance to ask what he was sorry for or plunge her dagger into his smug face, she heard him say:

"Stop."

The moment he uttered the command, Ellana felt as if the entire world was shifting on its axis. She tried to move but found herself totally immobilized. This didn't feel like regular magic. 

Ellana had only felt a compulsion similar to this one time before - in the Fade, helping Morrigan save her son, when Mythal had issued a command and she'd been forced to follow. 

Shit.


End file.
